This week I have felt philosophical about life. I am still reading “The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying” and it’s really fascinating. Death is one of those subjects that people don’t want to talk about. It’s morbid and can make people sad. It’s a definitive end to our existence and after that, we’ll be unable to change what we’ve done in our lives.
When we die, we’ll leave behind us all kinds of memories and trinkets for people. There’ll be little clues to the kind of person we were. We’ll be unable to explain things nor will we be able to make excuses to the bad things we may have done.
The only thing that bothers me about my death is that I’m scared that there will be no evidence of me ever existing. I write journals and this blog obviously but it’s a horrible thought that when the time comes, I’ll just be a name on a stone. There was an event in my life that triggered this fear. It was my 29th birthday when I went for a walk with my wife and parents. We ended up at a graveyard and there was a headstone that was hidden beneath an overgrown bush. I read the headstone and the person had perhaps been dead a year. Their grave already forgotten about. It hit me hard.
I guess what my point is, we need to strive to be the best person we can be. We need to leave some sort of legacy behind us or we’ll be forever lost to history. Just a name on a census for future generations to stumble upon.
I enjoy writing my blog. I enjoy thinking of things to write about and things that I’d like to share with the internet but when will I finish? Will there be some point when I decide “Do you know what? I have finished this project.”?
I probably won’t come to a natural end with this project, instead I’ll just lose interest and forget all about it but let’s say I didn’t. How would I know that I had nothing else to say?
This may sound daft but I often think about people who say that they want to succeed at what they do yet they do not have any clearly defined parameters for what they consider to be successful. Everybody wants to be happy and financially stable but at which point do they think “I have achieved that”.
Honestly, I don’t know if I’m making any sense here but it’s worth thinking about.
If you have any life goals, are they achievable and if they are, how will you know you’ve achieved them?
As far as writing this blog, I will stop writing it when I have nothing to say and people stop reading it. I think that’s a pretty good goal.
I feel really good about the podcast I posted yesterday. It was a meandering mess of thoughts but one thing that I have continued thinking about is the idea that all a human needs to survive is enough food to eat and a place to sleep, other than that, it’s all extra.
When I think about that it makes me feel very lucky. I have those things as well as a bunch of other extra things. Humans are programmed to lust and want more. We always compare ourselves to others and it isn’t healthy. The grass is always greener on the other side and we feel compelled to do our best to be doing better than other people.
At the moment I am going through a transitional period in my life. I have managed to bag myself a better job which means that I am going to have a better income for my wife and I. The past few years my wife has worked hard to pay the majority of our monthly bills. I have always felt guilty about it, even though my wife insists that she doesn’t mind. My main motivation to earn more money is so that I can pay my way and that money won’t be a worry each month.
I am a little concerned that the extra income that I’ll have might warp my perception and I’ll forget that all a human needs to survive is enough food to eat and a place to sleep. I am going to get a few things here and there but other than that, I don’t know what else it is that I’ll do with my income. I’ll probably just end up saving it all.
I wanted to record a proper episode of my podcast so I decided to do it the way I used to, doing the washing up. It’s a meandering ramble about essentially nothing. It’s about (and not limited to): evolution, possessions and McDonalds.
I am feeling good at the moment. Things in my life are settling down and I am feeling great.
My wife and I are going into town later on to go to McDonalds. We have a history with McDonalds. It was the place where we first properly met each other and have we have have eaten there loads over the years that we’ve been together. We’re going today because there is a limited time burger that they have right now called “The Big Uno”. She tried it earlier in the week and wants to have it again and wants me to try it too. It sounds delicious.
Other than that, today’s plans are going to visit my family. I don’t need to write that I love visiting my family because that’s just a given but each time I think about my family, I always think about how much I love them and have to verbalise it in some way.