I’m treating each post like it’s my last

I have actively not posted on my blog for a while because I wanted to see if I wanted to do it properly again. I’ve had ideas swirling around my head for what I want to do with it and I have decided that I want to give it another go. I’m treating each post like it’s my last because I know that I will give up on it eventually.

I don’t see giving up on something as bad. I think that it shows strength and courage to say “Do you know what? I’m done.” It’s not an easy decision to make but it is important.

I have a busy life. I say busy, I work as a manager in a coffee shop and I’m at work a lot. When I get home from work I want to veg out on the sofa and just get on with relaxing. It doesn’t leave me with much time for creativity. I am now going to set time aside for me to do that again. I have managed to set time aside to do my twice weekly podcast so I’ll do that for writing too. I need to work out what I am able to do and how I can better manage my time.

Time. That’s always an issue.

I never thought that I’d be someone who would have to set time aside for creativity or fun. Can an allocated time for fun truly be fun? It’s like school, you’re on your best behaviour when you’re there and when you leave it’s like you can flip a switch and you can let your hair down. I don’t want to sound like one of those pictures that people post on Facebook which reads something like “Make time to do the things you love” but that is exactly what I’m saying to myself.

So what is the plan? I don’t really have one. I’m not going to commit to a posting schedule unless I’m able to. I record my twice weekly podcast in advance and trickle out episodes. I’ll do that here too. Since I haven’t got anything ready to go yet I’ll have to work out the finer details.

I’m also back on Twitter. I am treating it like it’s the edited highlights of being around me. I’m going to curate. What a geek right? “I’m going to curate things that I think are worth sharing.” We all do it. Maybe not on a conscious level but when we talk to people we make sure that’s we’re sharing the important things. (Social networks are obviously a more extreme version of that.)

I’m still on my quest to become the best version of myself and that is what my blog is about; my journey of personal growth and hopefully it’ll be of some value to the people who read it too.

It’s a strange world we live in

We all perceive the world around us differently. Something insignificant to someone could be huge to someone else. It’s the same the other way round too. Something quite huge going on in the world can also seem unimportant to someone. This is because we’re all wrapped up in our own worlds.

President Trump was somewhat of a comedy character. We all would scoff at the stupid things he was saying or the way he was acting. However, the laughter has stopped since the USA and North Korea are building up to a nuclear war. Also since there have been riots and protests in the USA and President Trump isn’t condemning the far-right side that are openly doing Nazi salutes and one guy driving his car into a crowd of people, killing one person (which I’d like to add would anywhere else, specifically Paris and London, would be as a terrorist attack). I’d say that he is a definite concern for the planet.

President Trump has said that he wouldn’t visit the UK until he received the correct reception from the public. Now, I’ve never attended any sort of protest in my life but I would move heaven and earth just to protest that guy.

I’d say that what this man is capable of is important to pay attention to. People don’t agree with me, they’re wrapped up in their own world. I bring this up because of something that happened to me a couple of days ago. As a barista in a coffee shop, I made someone a plain coffee and as I was transporting it to her saucer, I accidentally spilt a little of it. The tiniest amount. I slightly overfilled it. The woman hit the roof “THEY ALWAYS SPILL MY COFFEE!!!” She said raising her voice. It was hard not to say to her “We’re on the verge of a potential nuclear war and you’re more concerned about having a slightly moistened saucer.”

It’s a strange world we live in.

Ethical Shopping

Amazon is a massive company. It’s hard to deny that it’s easier and often cheaper to use them. They pay literally no tax in the UK which is bad for the country. I avoid using Amazon when I can. It is difficult and sometimes more expensive but it makes me feel better. Here is a list of websites that I’ve found that are a bit more ethical… I am not paid by the companies I’m linking to here.

I buy my MP3s from 7digital. The choice isn’t as big as the bigger companies but that can’t be helped. I won’t use iTunes, Google or Amazon unless I have to.

I buy books from a website called Wordery. They’re not bad for price and they get your books out quite quickly. I used to use a site before but it turned out it was Amazon pretending to be an independent seller…

There’s a website out there which you buy things from and it gives money to a designated local shop to support it. It’s called Hive. My wife has used it and she didn’t have any problems with it.

A great way to spend your money and support charity is to use charity shops to buy second-hand goods. Well Oxfam have set up an internet one. I’ve never used it but it is a fantastic idea.

This isn’t an exhaustive list but at least it’s a start.

Why am I me?

The last few days I’ve tried to find an answer to see why I act the way I do. I made a brief post about this a couple of days ago but I feel as though I want to go into more detail.

If you ever meet me in real life, depending on what circumstances I will probably try make you laugh some way. I like to make people laugh, even if it’s self-deprecating. Self-deprecation works very well. You paint yourself as a loser, a failure, someone who is at the lowest possible point of existence. Someone who’s stupid. A problem with that is that people like to play along with it and it gets to a point that it’s expected of you to act dumb or whatever. This will sound arrogant but I consider myself quite intelligent and when I switch out the self-deprecation for showing how smart I actually am, it’s met with confusion.

When I’m online though, it’s the complete opposite. I like to show off the other side of my personality. The side which is intelligent. The side that is conscientious and interested in philosophy.

I experimented at work. I held off making jokes with people. Not only did I find it very relaxing, I felt less stressed. I didn’t have to perform.

Life is a performance. I find myself performing constantly with people. There are few people who I don’t have to do this with; my wife and my family.

I guess another part of it is not revealing the real me. What if people didn’t like the other side of my personality? The side of my personality that I most identify with.

It’s interesting and not something that I’ll ever fully understand.