I haven’t been well again recently. I don’t know what it is but one of the side effects has been me having a very sore throat and losing my voice.
As far as I can remember I have never lost my voice before. I’ve never experienced it being painful to talk. So how can I feel better? By not talking.
I spent an entire day not talking and it was amazing. It’s strange how many times I nearly spoke but stopped myself. How often do we just chatter to ourselves? It’s crazy.
I have a new appreciation for silence. I always wanted to know if I could go long periods without speaking and I think that this might officially be the longest time I’ve gone without speaking. It’s been lovely. Idle chatter has not been with me all day. Only internally.
When people see me for the first time there are a few things that they notice. I’m quite tall, I wear glasses and I’m bald.
It doesn’t bother me that I’m bald. It’s in the genetics of my family thanks you my Grandfather. Both my brother and I have thinning hair and we’ve both decided to embrace it.
I used to be long haired with a ponytail. When I chopped it off I noticed that on top of my head, my hair was getting thin. As the years progressed it kept getting thinner. About six months ago, just after my 33rd birthday I was about to get in the shower when I had a proper look at the state of my hair. I could see my scalp. I thought “Sod it”, grabbed a razor and shaved it all off and I’ve not looked back. I thought I’d be self-conscious about it but I’m really not. In fact it made me feel more confident and in control.
I know that losing your hair can be a big deal for some men but I say “What does it matter?” When I’m joking around with people they’ll mention it and rather than getting touchy about it I’m like “And what?” When people make fun of me by calling me bald I don’t understand how I can get upset about it.
I sometimes notice other men with thinning hair and I can see them trying to cover it up and I feel a little bad for them that it obviously bothers them. I watch TV shows about men getting hair transplants or trying all kinds of expensive treatments to keep their hair for as long as they can but in reality, hair lose is part of getting older.
If you’re thinking about shaving your head, I would recommend just going for it when you’re off work for a week or two. After a couple of days it grows back. After a couple of weeks, you’ll already have hair covering your head. Don’t worry. It’s only hair.
One night I started feeling strange. I had a slightly raised temperature but I just put this down to the heating being on. I went to bed, had very disturbed night’s sleep with hella crazy dreams. I woke up the next morning still feeling hot but now nauseated. I didn’t feel well. I went to work, not really thinking much about it assuming that I’d feel better when I busied myself. Throughout that day I went through waves of feeling ill and I longed to get home to sit down and relax. When I finished work, I started walking home in the cold January air, shivering as I went.
When I got home, I told my wife that I didn’t feel hungry yet so don’t worry about dinner, I laid on the sofa, grabbed a blanket and hoped to warm up and stop shivering. Well… I didn’t for a good while. I had ignored all the signs. I was ill. As a rule, I don’t get ill
To cut most of the attention seeking stuff out, I had got Norovirus and it was very unpleasant. I had to have time off work to rest and recuperate as the Norovirus ran it’s course. As I sat around for a few days I came to appreciate the act of doing nothing. Usually if I have spare time I will write, go on the internet or read a book but I just didn’t feel like it. Instead I just watched TV. A LOT of TV. In those three days I managed to watch a series of Black Mirror, Bojack Horseman, half a dozen documentaries and it was amazing. I have never been one to watch that much TV but now I was watching hours and hours a day of it.
True, I had all this time where I could be getting on with things. I could have used that time to be productive but instead I used the time to relax*. The sky didn’t fall in. If anything, nothing had changed. I learned a valuable lesson, it’s OK to do nothing**.
* To be fair, I had to relax, I was ill.
** Another lesson was that Norovirus is really unpleasant.
This morning I was disturbed whilst eating my breakfast. Bang! Bang! Bang! Someone was at my door.
It’s weird because generally no one ever knocks on my door and it’s twice in two days. I just assumed that perhaps my wife has ordered something online. I opened the door and the man from yesterday was there again, once more holding the random bag of groceries that was left outside my gate. “That bag is still there. Did you want it or could I have it?” I had just got up and was very confused. Did this man really come back to my house to ask for the bag? “I guess so. We don’t want it.” I replied. “Thanks buddy.” he said as he went back to his car which again was running in the middle of the road.
I closed the door and sat down. What is going on? Why did the man come back to my house? It’s just weird. I mean, I don’t know who’s bag it is or who it was intended for. Why did he feel the need to knock on my door again to ask for it? Why not just take it? What the Heck is he going to do with a bag of random stuff? Did he make the trip specifically back to my house on the off chance?
When I came back from work earlier I noticed that there was a shopping bag full of fruit and vegetables on the pavement propped up against my gate. “Weird” I said to myself. I sidestepped it thinking that someone has obviously just left it there by accident and should be back for it later.
I got changed, made myself a cup of tea and put the TV on. Having just worked a long day I started to nod off on the sofa. Bang! Bang! Bang! Someone was knocking at my door. With a start I woke up not knowing what was going on. Bang! Bang! Bang! The letter box went. I got up and opened the door. “Er I think you left your shopping outside” said a man. “Oh that’s not mine, it was there when I got back from work” I replied. The man looked a bit puzzled “Maybe someone left it for you” he answered. True. I didn’t think of that. My brother-in-law is a greengrocer but he doesn’t live anywhere near us and besides we’re seeing him this weekend, why would he drive all this way to randomly leave a bag of stuff? “I don’t think so, no one has mentioned it to us” I said. We both looked at each other. He opened it up to look at what was in it. I could see a pineapple on top. “I think someone has left it there and they might be back for it in a bit.” I added. The man looked at me and gave me a look to say “Yeah fair enough but it’s a bit weird no?”. He handed me the bag and left my front garden, getting into a car parked in the middle of the road with it’s engine still running and drove off.
I put the bag back where it was and went back to watching TV. I started to think about the situation. Someone has left a bag of fruit and vegetables outside my house for whatever reason. Maybe someone has left it outside the wrong house but why leave it outside the garden and not somewhere more secure?
I then thought about it some more. What happens if no one comes to collect it? I’ll have to dispose of it. What if I dispose of it now and then someone comes for it? What am I supposed to do in this surreal situation? Why am I now the caretaker of someone else’s perishable goods?
I sit here under a duvet trying to keep myself warm. I was brought up in an old house that didn’t have central heating. I’ve lived in the house I’m in now for over 5 years yet I still forget that it has heating. I’m still in the mindset of “if it’s cold, wrap up warm”.
I love the winter because of that. In the summer, if you get too hot you’re stuffed. On the winter, if it’s too cold you’ve got somewhere to go.
This is one of those posts where I don’t know how to really start or what it is what I want to write about.
I’ve had a weird couple of days and it’s confusing the crap out of me. I usually have certain things that I do on certain days but that’s not the way things have gone. I do my best to not be a creature of habit but it transpires that I’m someone who actually likes structure. One of my favourite quotes about this is by Oscar Wilde:
Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.
I’m cooking my dinner at the moment. It’s a chicken pie with mashed potatoes. My wife is at work so I have to fend for myself. Ahe doesn’t like pies or mashed potatoes so I have a little treat when she works late. I don’t like it when she works late.
It’s weird but I miss her when she’s not around. I saw her a matter of hours ago but I miss her on a daily basis. She holds my world together. She’s part of who I am. We’re like a set.
Got a bit mushy at the end.
This post represents my current mental state. All over the place.
As I sit here I am feeling pretty good. I’ve had a bit of a mentally rough week. I think it’s because of how tired I am and because the days are getting darker which effects me.
I’ve had an alright day so far today though. I’ve been listening to music, thinking about stuff and playing Minecraft. All the stuff that adults need to do to unwind.
I’ve found myself overwhelmed by social networks again. I go through these phases. I become addicted to them and then I find that the connection is too much for me to deal with. Feeling out of control of my own behavior because of a stupid addiction to notifications isn’t a great feeling. It doesn’t make sense does it? We let brain impulses decide what we do, even if deep down we don’t want to do it.
It’s why I practice mindfulness because it helps train the mind to not give into to those impulses so much and if anything, put them into perspective.
Yesterday I received an email to say that my Netflix email account had been changed. I didn’t change my email account. Turns out, someone was able to hack into my Netflix.
I’ve no idea how it happened but through some investigation I found that the person was watching Rick and Morty and were French and were watching in France with an iPhone 6s. I tried contacting the customer service through Twitter, through their live chat but nothing. No response. I changed my email address, password and then chose the “Log out of all devices”. I then found that the person was still watching my Netflix account. I rang their helpline. Were they helpful? Well I guess in a sense since I did all the steps they would have recommended.
I woke up this morning and found that the person still had access to my account as they started to watch “Trollhunter”. What the Heck?!
The person hasn’t watched anything since this morning but I’m shocked at how much Netflix doesn’t care about their security. Am I alone in this?
My Netflix account has been hacked. Someone else has changed my email and I am unable to login. NO HELP FROM NETFLIX https://t.co/EJhttHCzO9
I used to blog everyday but I gave it up when I lost interest. I have already done a post today however I want to do another because I’m in that kind of mood.
I’ve had a fun day. This morning I listened to music, did some reading, meditated and watched old episodes of Red Dwarf.
This afternoon I visited my parents, my sister, my niece and my nephew. It was fun hanging out with them. My nephew is six years old and my niece is four years old. They’re a couple of weirdos. Weirdos in a fantastic way. It’s fun playing with them as they still find the words poo, fart and bum funny.
My Dad made some pumpkin soup. It was his first attempt and it was really tasty. We also had a bunch of other food, burgers, sausages and stuff before we had a mini firework display.
It was great to see the kids faces as the fireworks popped and fizzed. They also loved their sparklers as they both tried writing their names in midair with them.