As my mind meanders this morning I am drawn back into the idea of writing something. At this point I don’t know what about but that never would stop me before. Usually by the end of the first sentence I would have a basic outline and then I delete the first paragraph as it’s the spark of inspiration that I usually needed.
I felt accomplished last night because I finally published a blog post. I meditated and got back on the road that I once left. It’s too easy to leave it. Sometimes it’s easier to avoid it, it’s easier to want to do something than to do it. I picked up some bad habits over the past nine months and I am going to blame the anti-depressants that I was on.
Not for a single moment am I saying to everybody to throw their pills in the bin. My decision to come off them was because during my last counseling session my counselor told me that I don’t need them any more and that I should come off them in a few months gradually which is what I did. It wasn’t easy but I needed to do it.
The strangest feeling was when the tablets started to wear off. My brain felt sharper. I started to have more concentration. Granted the bad days I have are bad but my brain is able to process what it is I’m feeling and that it will pass.
I had stepped away from my old way of thinking and although in some cases that is great, I stepped away from years of studying various Buddhist philosophies. The quest I was on for answers to life was paused. I’m unpausing. I loved that quest.
I’m taking you with me if you don’t mind.